Lost in the cracks of my house’s front porch over a decade ago and unearthed today by a construction project, this “Ancient Mew” card now fully looks the part. Now 22 years old, I am very pleased to have it returned to me, since I thought it lost forever all those years back.
I feel like Lawrence III at the end of the movie, picking this thing out of the rubble.
DUDE THAT’S AMAZING
my hands remember how your body felt
my body misses how your hands felt
All I’ve ever aspired to do was make the lives of my loved ones easier in whatever way I can, be it advice, venting, or providing distractions, but I guess trying to shoulder the burdens of the people I care about finally became too much to bear. Not just for me, but apparently to the people I was trying to help. In only a month I lost the love of my life for reasons unknown and almost all of the people who I once considered to be good friends. The few I have left are either stuck in their own ruts, are poisonous influences, or I am so afraid of doing something to make them leave me too that I feel I can’t be myself around them. I can’t even enjoy LARP anymore because the people there who I thought were my friends have clearly taken a side, and they chose the one that bakes them cookies and behaves provocatively over the severely introverted guy who for months tolerated older men flirting with his girlfriend and vice-verse because she dismissed the fact that it bothered him as him being controlling. Any time I try to talk to the other players I can hear the tone in their voice that means they have no interest in speaking to me, so my former belief that LARP was a beneficial social exercise has been proven to be false. In retrospect, most of them have always taken that tone with me, but I could grin and bear it because so matter how frustrated I got with my attempts to be social blowing up in my face, my girl would always come to me with a loving embrace like she psychically knew that I was socially exhausting myself. Now I have to spend every game one sensory overload away from a massive panic attack with nothing to recharge my social battery, but for some reason I keep going despite the fact that each game is nothing short of torture.
All I want now are some fresh friends who I can chat with online or play vidya with so that I can feel a sense of normalcy in my life again. Even my friends who I used to spend countless hours with online when I had nobody to physically spend time with have fallen into a pit of apathy where no matter how hard I try I can’t rally them to do anything, and the only conversations we can hold reliably anymore revolve around one friend being $3000 away from suicide. I do not want to abandon them by any means, quite the opposite in fact. Usually I would try to do things with him to make him feel better, but old methods seem to have died out so he stays inactive and I can’t satisfy my desire to help people and act as a guardian. People tell me I should just live for myself, but if they understood my pathology then they would realize that living for others is how I live for myself. The alternative is hedonism, and I’ve lived that life, and I hate it because it left me jaded and unfulfilled.
All I can do is keep on keeping on I guess.
When a Teemo tries to take top lane from you the best solution is to Alt+F4 in the loading screen.
I probably would have stayed if I remembered to put on my Commando skin I just bought, but I forgot so their loss.
Totally worth the potential 9 reports.
Gonna go play Fallout now.
A line that should never be preceded by an evil laugh.